Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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