carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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