based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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