Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
