Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
