4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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