I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
bring money and cleavage
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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