He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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