I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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