Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The beer is more important than you right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
