i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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