I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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