Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
