It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize