I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm like, not good at living.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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