he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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