even my farts smell like vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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