I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
