just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
