This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
