Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
