Pappa wants mamma naked
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
