Umm I'm too high to move.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Found your dick twin last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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