Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
