Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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