remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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