I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
