Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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