don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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