I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had to cum in my sink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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