Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
