They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
