She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
