I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
