I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
