Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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