Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
