What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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