I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize