You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
