youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
