the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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