every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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