i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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