I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
