Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
