So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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