Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
