I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
