Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
