I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
