woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
