Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Congratulations! We have a period
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