fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
