I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
