Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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