Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
