she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
