I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
