For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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