You can't special order awesome
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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