every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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