Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
