dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
