yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
