I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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