How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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