And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
