In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
