I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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