I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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