I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
