Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
