Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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