She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
