Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
