Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
